Ughhhhh.

Needless to say, I'm under a lot of pressure here and it's hard for me to be good. When I'm under pressure I tend to want to escape -- video games, books. I know the current job market is doing this, and it's not me, but aowehrajkwehr talent wtf.

Brian is awesome, though. I can't describe how easy our relationship is.

Now, come on life, get back in order so I can truly enjoy everything.

Well it's 9 AM on Monday morning, I woke up at nearly 7 (even though I went to sleep at nearly 3) because I was worried about my kitty.  I got home last night and couldn't find him-- he had disappeared!  But come morning he apparently got hungry enough to come back..... out of Karin's room.  Which is kind of messy so it was hard to find him.

I'm very happy he's okay.

As for a real update.... I haven't had any luck finding work.  I haven't really looked since contacting the groups of people I know though-- I've been too busy moving from my apartment into my friend's apartment.  Most of my stuff is at Karin, Vicky, and Caitlin's.  Some of my stuff is at Brian's.  They've all been generous enough to let me stay with them and I really appreciate it.

In the meantime, I've done a lot of fashion stuff.  Photoshoots for ICON international and with a photographer named Chanel.  Both were awesome and I'm looking forward to seeing photos.  Also did two fashion shows-- Cassie Bett's Bridal Couture and Tristan + Trista for a super real fashion week event that was aweeesoooome.  

Besides that it's mainly been hanging out with friends and Brian.  We're doing well and I <3 him quite a lot.  We were Scully and Mulder for Halloween, and I can't say I was terribly convincing.  Really, probably neither of us were, but it was fun.  

I think things are starting to settle down and grow better. :) By a lot, actually,.  Now... if only I could get a job and an apartment, hah!

OH OH OH BUT
at my fashion show Brian was talking to people and may have gotten me a chance with an agency.  We shall see.  If I acredit my becoming a "real" model to Brian I akehrakwjher will owe him for life.
With my love.

Anyway, photo time!

Sometimes it's better not to know things, maybe.  Or not know things.  Or wonder things.  I'm a chronic wonderer and I never come to good conclusions.  I discover too much too easy (I know the internet far too well).  

Meanwhile-- friends:  I'm moving in wtih friends as I am jobless and cannot afford my own place in LA.  It hopefully is temporary.  I'm supposed to go to Boston with Brian next month and I'm excited to see Ben and my friend Jenny.  I don't know if anyone else is in Boston.  I'm bad at this.

I'm trying not to be too depressed generally lately.  But I'm kind of failing.  Brian helps me feel better, but I don't want him to assign that task to himself.   At the same time, not really sure how to avoid it.  I'm not crazy, I just have to suffer the consequences of crazy circumstances that surround me.  

 I'm starting to look more and more forward to moving out on my own into my own house and starting a new chapter of my life.  

There are things that I want and I have to prove myself to Titmouse and other companies so I can have continuous income so I can have those things (IE, single bedroom apartment, my furniture from my parents, decorations, a nice place to live, and maybe a manicure and a few more dresses.  Also to be able to serve Brian yummy dinners without feeling like I need to pinch my pennies afterwards would be nice).  

I need to find a dress for the wedding, visit my friend Andrea, find an apartment to live in, make the monies, do my laundry, hang out with my girlfriends, and eat a fucking cheeseburger.  And I want one very badly.

I am watching too much TV, hah!  I doubt i'll even have cable when I move-- I don't own a television.  Sigh!  What will I play video games on??

My imagination??

I want to learn to make/do things/ and probably become more indie when I do.  I WANT A SEWING MACHINE.  Anyone in CO have an old one they want to sell me for cheaper than a new one that also is a pretty awesome sewing machine for someone of my skill level (lame skillz?)

It'd be nice if it can do buttons.  But I can, if it can't.  Mwahahaha.

I want to make Sarah and feather headband.  Does anyone else want one?

Also my seven degrees of separation gets smaller.   A guy at the office (I think Chris' assistant??) walks up to me and goes, I saw you at Theater Asylum the other day! And I was like, yeah I went to see that show, and he was like I went to school with all of them how do you know them? And I was like my fri-- my boyfriend did the lights!  And he was like oh Brian is your boyfriend?  And I turned crimson.  Or as crimson as I get, which is noncrimson and more like just feeling like I'm blushing.  

I keep finding people on facebook who are connected to other people I know on facebook through one core person and it both amuses and confuses me.  Oh man!

I'm talking about nothing now, aren't I?  Man, I'm boring.  Sewing machine plz??